Efficiency efficiency they say….

So, you must now be sitting on the edge of your seat waiting for the latest update on whether my dishwasher got serviced or not!! Which is an uncanny mirroring of real life*, since I, too, was metaphorically sitting on the edge of my seat, wondering if the technician would bother to show up or not.

Well, alright, to be honest, I was sitting the way I usually do at the computer at home, which is slouched way back in my chair with one foot up on a rung of the desk – undoubtedly terrible for my neck and back and probably will be the cause of me being a hunchback when I’m 70. And, like tourists who stand madly snapping photos of the Cliffs of Moher on their mobile phones instead of actually looking at them with their eyes* I had already turned the whole riveting saga into an absorbing distraction by writing the previous post as it unfolded. (Well,ok, obviously it’s only a riveting saga in my own head, but now I’m really getting diverted from the topic at hand so let’s get back to the point.)

In any case, I’m not sitting on the edge of my seat now, if I ever was, as I already know the end of the story. Let me tell you, it’s not a happy one.

For anyone who is still with me (if you’ve given up and gone, well, here’s hoping the next post will be about something more interesting than my dishwasher!) it got to 3.20pm with no further word from Patti Smith, OR anyone else from the music industry, OR even anyone from the white goods industry, which was, on the whole, the more disappointing absence in this particular scenario.

So I phoned to find out whether I was still required to wait around in my house  or not, since I had somewhere I wanted to go by 4pm if not. This time I spoke to Esmerelda*, who apologised and told me that the technician had finished for the day!

This was prior to 3.30pm so you may be able to imagine my temper upon hearing this news…he’d conveniently finished and probably headed off to the pub, despite the fact that the designated time was some time between 12-5 today and I was still at home waiting for him to come and FIX THE DISHWASHER!!

Anyway, I won’t bore you, imaginary reader, with the details of my heated conversation with poor Esmerelda, but  I managed to use a few of the “a” words (astounded and arrogant) (the first being about myself and the second about them, you understand!). Despite this, they would not send anyone to service the dishwasher. This despite it being only  3.25pm, despite the service appointment being for any time between 12-5pm, despite them having known within 4 minutes of the technician’s phone call that  I was actually at home, waiting for him, I just hadn’t picked up the phone in time because no one had told me that was the crucial step in the whole procedure!!! I finished that conversation by saying that I wanted to register a complaint and that I wanted a written response from management.

(BTW, it was kind of amusing that when I took up the point that he should not have finished since they still have an appointment with me. Esmerelda obviously realised her mistake and was careful not to repeat that he had “finished”. Instead she repeated the term “he has moved on.”  It made it sound a little bit as if the technician had passed away during the course of the afternoon.)

So – be warned when booking services on white goods. Apparently it is “very, very important that wherever you are,  and whatever you are doing” (a quote from Esmerelda,  who must have  sensed that it was on the tip of my tongue to point out that they obviously expect customers to answer calls in the toilet) you answer your phone when the technician rings. Something they neglected to emphasise when I booked the service.

Sorry Fish and Phips, but I don’t have a call centre to answer my phone 24/7.  So I guess I’ll have to get someone else to service my dishwasher. Glad my fridge is a Westinghouse!

This penguin obviously had to deal with Fish and Phips too.

Swantje Hess

*It’s not really uncanny at all that something I’ve totally imagined – eg readers (and their posture) should mirror something I am doing, even if I am only doing it metaphorically and not literally. Confused? I am.

* by managing to mention “eyes” in this post, all I am really demonstrating is that there is a thematic link to other similarly stupid posts on this blog. Maybe I will try and mention “eyes” or “moustaches” in every post from now on. Or not, depending how I feel.

* Her name was not really Esmerelda, as you could probably have guessed.

*Update: as of 2014, I’m still waiting for that response from Management at Fish and Phips.

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