Smugness at Christmas may lead to milk in your shoes

Once there was a person who, just before Christmas, was feeling very smug about how relaxed she was feeling. So relaxed, in fact, that she even wrote a smug post on her blog, sharing with the world her tips on how to remain similarly relaxed in the lead up to Christmas.

Of course, pride goeth before a fall, (according to some guy with a lisp, anyway) and what wasn’t revealed in that post was that, although this person was fairly relaxed, she was also pretty clumsy. (I use the word clumsy, although secretly I wonder if she was just stupid, but for the purposes of being generous we will stick with “clumsy”.) To be fair to her, maybe she was expending so many brain cells on trying to remain relaxed that there were none left to actually focus on how to do things properly. (ie,  in a way that wouldn’t result in some disaster that would then cause her to be stressed out.)

What happened was mostly just her usual clumsiness, ie, smashing glasses when drying dishes, walking into, instead of through, doorways – except that, being Christmas, sometimes these things happened in front of the guests, who kindly pretended not to have noticed.

But there were a few incidents that made me wonder whether this person had overdone the “relaxed” idea, or whether she is actually a few buttons short on the remote control. For example, when assisting her daughter to make a white chocolate tiramisu, she told the kid that, yes, she could make a milkshake with melted chocolate and cold milk – (presumably any person with a functioning brain would already be shaking their heads in disbelief) – and a blender jug that doesn’t have a lid. Wrong – on 2 counts! The result was an explosion of milk and little pieces of chocolate all over the kitchen, including inside a shoe. (Don’t leave your shoes in the kitchen at my house.) The poor 10 year old child screamed, and then said “sorry!” although she had done the right thing and asked a supervising adult for advice, so it wasn’t her fault!

Or there was the espisode where, roasting a cut of topside beef for lunch for  7 guests, she made multiple miscalculations (eg: miscalculated the time per weight equation and also miscalculated how long it had been in the oven for when the timer seemed to stop working).

Between you and me, I suspect that too much relaxation is to blame: sitting around in pyjamas after breakfast reading a book (in a relaxed fashion) with guests due in 2 hours, and then rushing around to shower, dress, clean, and make a roast for lunch, may have been why she was not quite as focused on correctly working out the timing of the roast. Whatever the excuse, the result was that the roast beef was taken out  of the oven after about an hour, and let “sit” for a while, looking and smelling yummy, mmmmmmm……but when it was cut into, on the inside it looked…..not so yummy. Aaaaaaaaaagh!!!

(Have you ever felt like you were screaming with mortification inside your own head? I haven’t, obviously, but I think this was how she felt at that moment.)

Of course all the guests were polite about it, and pretended not to be hungry, made small talk, and drank more wine/ginger beer, while the beef bravely had another go at getting roasted.

So the irony of my little story is that, having worked so hard in the lead up to Christmas to remain relaxed, this person had reached a point where she was so zenned out that she wasn’t fussed about properly timing the roast for lunch. This led to the “raw roast” episode, which in turn caused her to feel pretty damn stressed, and thus undid all the previous good work.

Is there a moral here? Maybe it explains why buddhists are vegetarians.

PS: The image at the top of the page is obviously copyrighted and owned by the creators of South Park. I think the correct attribution is (c) 1995-2010 Comedy Partners. I hope that using one image in a personal blog is ok. I don’t plan to make any money from their image or pretend it is my own. If you want to see more South Park images you can locate them by searching in Google Images for “South Park” or check out a site like .

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