Guest post from Fuzzle McChubbster

Here I am on webcam, thinking about what to write in this post

Hello, or for any other fellow cats out there, Meow.

Firstly, let me set the record straight. My name is Fuzzle McChubbster.

Of course my owners, being human and therefore stupid, got this wrong and insist on calling me Chuzzles McFloobster. What a completely ridiculous name! Idiots! I am a cat, for crying out loud, not a slobbering, galloomphing, no-sense-of-dignity-about-yourself dog!

Anyway, so I’m here writing this because the peeps went away for a week’s holiday and left me pretty much to my own devices! Nice one, peeps! (Don’t worry, some guy – who apparently texts like a pirate – came around to feed me) This was kinda nice, although it would have been better if I could get outside and actually catch a few birds without those do-gooder humans stopping me. Unfortunately the peeps lock the cat flap because the poor cat who lives next door, Angus, is an imbecile with no functioning brain, and if the cat flap is open he thinks its his house, and comes in and poohs behind the tv. This bothers them. He also attacks me on sight, which bothers me, so in the end I didn’t mind staying inside.

As a cat, I pride myself on being as curious as the best of ’em, so I thought I’d make the most of my “me time”  to further investigate the computer that the peeps are always using. Of course I’d conducted some rudimentary investigations already. These had revealed that the keyboard is slightly uncomfortable to sit on – but worth sitting on all the same when a human is trying to type, as it causes them great annoyance. I’d also noted that the printer is just the right size for me to curl up on for a snooze, and that I can walk over everything on the desk and go between the computer screen and the wall without disconnecting any of the cords in the back of the computer. This is a damn shame, but I live in hope that I will work out how to disconnect them some time in the future, as I sense this would cause some fun!

So I’d obviously covered some of the more important aspects of the computer – the comfort level of its various resting places – but I took the opportunity while the peeps were away to power it up and see what they actually use it for. Huh!  – apparently they surf the internet, send emails and write stupid posts on blogs. What a weird bunch they are! I can never work out why they don’t just sit around sleeping and cleaning out their toenails with their teeth like we superior beings do. But anyway, perhaps I can put this blog to use somehow. Is there a way I can use it to get control over the humans? Or over other cats? (Obviously there is no point hoping to use it to exterminate dogs as they are too stupid to read.)  Hmmmmm. I must ponder this idea.

But first I think I’ll have a nap.

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1 Comment

  1. Andrew

     /  January 5, 2011

    Hilarious – go Fuzzle

    Like

    Reply

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