O brother, where art thou?

Sometimes it is hard, that’s true….but other times it is unendurable.

The last post I wrote on this blog was about a good friend who had just died, and how I’d never experienced the shock and grief of having someone close to me die before.  10 days after I wrote that post, my younger brother died in his sleep.

So in that short period I have gone from having no experience of grief, to become a person who is far too familiar with grieving. I admit, I never understood before how unbearable it feels.

I  just had to proof an image of my brother for a funeral program. Over his photo is superimposed the years of his birth and death, 1978 -2011. Seeing that, I felt almost as much shock and disbelief as when I was first told that he had died. I can’t look at it. Inside my head, I am screaming in shock. Something is not right here!!!  This must be a mistake. He must be still alive. I can’t bear the thought that I will never see him again. Bear it? I refuse to accept that it’s true.

He was only 33. He was healthy and well. His life was good – he had moved into a better rental house, he loved his work as a personal care attendant,  and he was due to start training as a Registered Nurse on Monday.

He ate dinner with our youngest brother last Friday night, had a few drinks, and went to bed. He never woke up.

We don’t know why. All we know at this stage – if you can even use the word “know” in reference to death – is that he died overnight. He looked as if he’d died peacefully in his sleep.

Sometimes there is nothing you can say that can convey how you feel. This is one of those times.

Leave a comment


  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sometimes there are no words. You have my heartfelt condolences.



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