Nigella Lawson v. Air Supply

It’s interesting to ponder the stats on this blog for a few seconds. After a few seconds it becomes less interesting, and if I spend more than a minute musing about them, then clearly I’m trying to avoid doing the dishes, but one thing I can tell in just a few seconds, is that posts about serious, sad topics like the death of my brother last year, do not get lots of views. And that Nigella Lawson’s ears are still a hot topic.

That people prefer to read humorous or impersonal writing to writing that is both sad AND personal is not surprising. I myself would probably steer away from an excerpt of a blog that sounded intensely sad and personal, by someone I don’t know.  I kept that in mind when I was writing those posts, and even while I was intensely grieving, I aimed to try and observe my experience rather than just blurt out my grief,  hoping that made the writing  worth reading. Whether I was successful in that endeavour or not, I don’t know.

But I find it intriguing to note how very few of more serious posts that mention his death or any other sad topic are ever viewed, even when I know a lot of readers only land on any given post by accident, in the course of searching for something else. Since I often title my posts after song lyrics or titles, eg I still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For, and Where’s Your Head At?,  there is often no clue in the title that the content will touch on sad or personal things.

In the meantime, people are madly entering random phrases into search engines all day long, and the most popular terms searched category on my blog are still “air supply” (1964 searches), “smug” (706 searches), “yoga mat” (607 searches) and “cockroach costume” (302 searches).

Who would have thought there were so many people out there searching for cockroach costumes? Not me – I only used a picture of a cockroach costume because it was a lot funnier than a picture of a cockroach. For all their good qualities (I’m sure there must be some, but reading this post may not enlighten you any further on what they are), cockroaches are not on record as having displayed any slapstick humour, made any amusing observations, or uttered any witty comments, so far in the approx 300 million years that they have been on the earth for.

While these search terms have been at the top on my blog for a while now, causing it to be most visited by those seeking pictures of Air Supply (or perhaps of an air supply), there is a new contender rising to the top in past weeks. That is Nigella Lawson, and her ears.

Oh dear – I feel a bit guilty for having written a post (in the form of a song) about Nigella Lawson’s ears, which I wrote only because so many people were landing on my blog after searching for terms like “Nigella Lawson’s ears,” which  seemed delightfully absurd. Being a little bit slow, it only occurred to me when writing my silly post about her ears, that possibly people searched this term because of speculation that she has had plastic surgery on her ears, or something? I don’t know, because I can’t imagine having so much spare time in my life that I’d have nothing better to do than check on whether a particular celebrity chef had got work done on her ears. But if that IS the case, then my silly post, which innocently included the line “Nigella Lawson’s ears always stay in place” (only because “place rhymed with face, not because I was suggesting that they were glued in place!) – has probably not aided her cause.

In the last 30 days there have been searches for “Nigella Lawson’s ears” , “Nigella Lawson’s big ears” “Nigella ears” and “Nigella ears pictures” – just to name a few. Poor Nigella. Have people nothing better to do?

Then again, perhaps they are all just writing silly poems, as I did, and looking for inspiration. ??

an air supply – this one is portable!

Anyway, the result is that in this week’s stats, Nigella has overtaken the previously long-standing contenders for top post, which were Why, Oh Why did Air Supply cry? and Yoga Mats and Other Potentially Life Threatening Items, Part 2. (Part 1 has never reached the same level of popularity that it’s sister post enjoys). The fight is on, and it remains to be seen as to who will be the final victor. Personally I hope it is the post on Air Supply crying, which still remains one of my favourites. Interestingly, while starting off humorously, it also delved into some serious (although not personal) content. But I’m fully aware that the reason these posts about Air Supply and Yoga Mats are the most often read posts is because of the images contained in them. I realise that people search for images of Air Supply (and yoga mats, apparently) and land on these posts, but this does not prevent me from hoping that at least a small portion of those people might actually stop and read them when they get there, because I still like those posts and think they are worth a read.

John Wayne in a 10 gallon hat

I’m not Nigella Lawson.

So that’s it on Nigella Lawson v. Air Supply. We’ll have to keep watching, to see who wins the popularity race. But before I close off this week, I should mention a favourite search term on my blog this week. It was:

How long does it take to write an essay that is 4000 words long?

Well, dear reader, that is easy! Here’s how to work it out: write one word. (Preferably a word containing more than 4 letters, as teachers marking essays of 4000 words will expect at least a few of these.)  Time yourself. Now multiply the answer by 4000. That is how long it will take you*. Better get started!!!

 

*Thinking time not included. If thinking time is required, the above equation does not apply. Any contracted agreement entered into about the aforementioned 4000 word essay is null and void and no correspondence on this matter will be received.

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