As Pressed as a Freshly Pressed Sock

So it seems as though I’ve made it to level 2 of this online game I’ve been playing for a while now, called Blogging.

Getting to level 2 is every blogger’s dream, but I have to admit, it’s kind of daunting when it happens. I’d been plugging away for 2 years, writing “posts” that were highly likely to not be read at all. There was a small group of readers who intermittently read, or commented, on posts. This small group of readers can be easily divided into 3 main categories: those who are related to me, those who live under the same roof as me, and those who exist only in my imagination. This last category comprised the largest section of my readership, and were the most supportive, although not on the blog, naturally, as they can’t type.

Leap forward to about 10 days ago, when I received an email to say that my post was about to be “Freshly Pressed”.

Wow. Being Freshly Pressed means you finally get a pass to go to level 2, which is a Freshly Pressed badge on your site, and lots of  new “followers”. The exciting bit about the way this game works is that these new followers are allegedly “real” – i.e, actual people, who exist outside of my head and are able to press the “Like” button or type a comment!

My loyal band of imaginary readers were unable to ever “like” or  comment, much they wished they could, because they lacked a physical body, which (despite all the recent advances in quantum mechanics) is still a necessary encumberance if you wish to control a keyboard.

I have to admit that it feels as if the deluge of new followers and commenters that interacted with my blog after it was Freshly Pressed may not really be real. Now that it’s all a week ago, it seems possible that all those comments were generated by a very sophisticated spamming program that is able to respond to key words as if it is conversing about suspected malicious whitegoods, partners who lose socks, and the possibility of the existence of other universes where socks are a black-market item.

But apparently these new followers are real human beings. Even so, it still requires imagination to think about all these real human beings reading my blog.

For a start, I don’t know them, what they look like, or where they are. For another thing, since I’m still writing this post, clearly, they can not yet be reading it yet and may never do so. At this point, they do so only in my imagination. Like any blogger, as I’m writing this, I’m imagining that I’m addressing a person, or some people, who might read it some time in the future, when it’s published on my blog. When we write a blog, or any writing for publication, readers can only be imagined, since they can only exist in the future, so – I rest my case. I am imagining all my potential readers, notwithstanding the fact that some of them are real.

So I feel that I need to proceed with caution here. There is a risk of imaginary feelings being hurt. Just because new readers of this blog may have certain advantages – such as having real fingers that allow them to “like”and comment – I don’t want my old imaginary readers to feel as if I’ve forgotten them.

So I decided that some introductions are in order to smooth over any possible ruffled feathers.

With that in mind – hello to any new, and/or real, readers out there! So that everyone is comfortable with one another, whether real or imaginary, I’d like to introduce you newbies/real folk to a few of my older/imaginary readers:

An academic at Melbourne University today, worried that this blog has discredited his thesis on Beckett

An academic at Melbourne University today, worried that this blog has discredited his thesis on Beckett

Early on there was this dude, above, who read one of my first posts, about Waiting for Godot. He had the nerve to object furiously to my ideas, in a 20,000 word paper that he scribbled out and submitted to the Academic Panel at the University of Melbourne.

Still, I didn’t really mind, since at least he read the post. He tunes in from time to time to see if I’ve written anything else he can react furiously to, but so far there has been nothing else even vaguely worthy of his snooty academic attention.

An example of a moustache

An example of a moustache

This is some mumbling guy that tried to respond to a few of my early posts about moustaches. Unfortunately, I couldn’t work out what on earth he was saying.

Help! My finger got stuck in a hole in this goddam mat, and now look at me!!

Help! My finger got stuck in a hole in this goddam mat, and now look at me!!

This guy enjoyed my post about yoga mats, but he tried a particularly complex yoga move in 2011, and sadly he is still stuck in that position, so he only gets to read my blog now if someone else holds a laptop in front of him. Poor guy!

Finally there is also my mum, who I mention from time to time, as if she reads this blog. That is my own little joke, as, in fact my mother is also an imaginary reader. Mum, bless her, is in her seventies and is the most extreme technophobe the world has ever known. She can’t even watch a DVD unless my father puts it on for her. They don’t have a computer, and she has no understanding of what the internet is, has certainly never seen this blog and would be totally perplexed at the entire notion of writing a blog if I was to try and explain it to her.

Hi Mum! I’ve been Freshly Pressed!

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32 Comments

  1. Caddie

     /  December 13, 2012

    Congrats! And my mom in law is my most avid supporter! lol

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  2. Great post! I have level 2 envy!! At present, I get excited when I have more than 5 views per day, especially if someone from a truly unlikely country, like Venezuela has (crash) landed on my site. An older, Level 1 version of you will know exactly what I mean!

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    • haha, I recall that same thrill! Thanks for reading mine. I just checked yours, I see you’re in Australia too. That’s always nice too I reckon, a visit from a fellow countryman/woman/person. (All welcome!)

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  3. I am still rambling around in level one..sort of like a parking lot level and cannot remember where the car is parked, but just to reassure you. I am real. Embodied. and a fairly new follower and I am loving it. Congratulations!

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    • There’s nothing wrong with being on level 1, although it can be tiresome if you forget where the car is parked. I was expecting to be there forever! Let’s hope I don’t get vertigo from moving up higher. Apparently if you do, you have to hand in $200 and get sent to Blogging jail.

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  4. When you are freshly pressed, does it hurt? Is the iron, like, really hot, or just uncomfortably warm?

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    • I had more like orange being juiced in mind when i see freshly pressed! lol!

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      • I usually squeeze my oranges, never thought of ironing the juice out of them – but I don’t ever iron anything so maybe I’m not up with the latest advances in ironing! 😉

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      • bwahaha, that is making sense… I think it’s because in french the term with oranges is “presser”, that why I always have that image in mind!

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      • Yes, sorry about that little joke….I hadn’t realised your native language was French, and then I looked at your blog and realised! I tried to say how to squeeze oranges in French you’d really get a good laugh!

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      • Lol! It’s ok, your comment va very funny 😉

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    • Ouch, it’s hot! You need a cool drink and a nap afterwards to recover.

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  5. I’m happy for you, and your blog is really reading worthy! I read lots of previous post and was delighted!

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    • That is so nice, thankyou! To hear that someone was actually “delighted” reading my posts genuinely had the same effect on me!
      I feel terrible that I have not yet had time to check out the posts of everyone who has commented!

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      • Please don’t put that weight over your shoulder, I’m not commenting so I’ll get more views on my blog. I’m commenting because I want people to know I liked something and I want them to bring the good stuff on! lol! So, I love your blog, you make me laugh a lot, and i’m thrilled with the way you see life and think it through. i want more good stuff….!

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      • Thank you again, those are lovely comments to hear about my blog!

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      • and can you believe that it was the one and only time i went to see the freshly pressed button, and you were the only post i read. Lucky me!

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  6. I’m still moderately new to blogging, and building a community through my blog, and am surprised by the seeds of friendship that have come through comments and conversation. And, when you leveled up, did it make a ‘boop boop Boop” sound like when Mario turns into Super Mario?

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    • It was more like the “ping” of an elavator door opening, and a smooth voice announcing, “Level 2. Comments, Likes, and Subscribers. If you need coffee, it’s in the corner, and if you need the bathroom, it’s over by the stairs. Start reading, and have a nice day.”

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      • oh man! my husband is wondering why I’m laughing so hard!!! Love it and I really read it with an elevator voice talking (airplane style maybe!?)

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      • Yes, it sounded very polished and posh, that was how I knew it was a big honor!

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      • This is a great description; I’m smiling. Does the elevator open up onto a pristine, colorfully decorated second floor that is a sharp contrast to the grungy and lonely first floor? I want to visit! [:

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      • Haha, yes, that’s right! And unlike that lonely, grungy first floor, it has a coffee machine AND a bathroom! Luxury!

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  7. I can proudly say I knew you when. And I definitely exist outside of your imagination! Then again, maybe I don’t. Maybe I am actually a figment of your imagination. Maybe we all are. Whoa. 😉

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    • Well, you can never be too sure. If you say you ARE really real, then I’ll take your word for it.

      Seriously, I have also not forgotten that you were the first complete stranger (who was real) to follow my blog. It was very generous of you and I actually feel quite ashamed that you’ve been so generous, when I have not so far “subscribed” to yours – although I have followed it since I first discovered it in late 2010, and I reckon I’ve read just about every post you’ve written since then. I usually tune in periodically and go back to the last one I read and work my way through. I was thinking of confessing this in my next post – that I haven’t actually subscribed to any other blogs…if I did, yours would be the first one I would have followed! It’s not that I don’t read other blogs – it’s just all the email notifications filling up my inbox that I can’t deal with! How do other people manage this??

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      • I have two email accounts, the real one that I check, and the old one that I subscribe to things with. Every so often I pop back over there, pick out any that might actually be interesting, and bulk delete the rest. (Of course I also have two work email addresses, a couple of vestigial facebook email addresses and at least two gmail addresses that I made up just to subscribe to something and then promptly forgot my username for.)

        What’s the opposite of identity theft? Making up multiple identities from scratch and showering them willy nilly all over the Internet? My real management issue is with calendars. How I WISH that every time I put something into my phone calendar, it would magically appear not only on my work email calendar, but also on both home email calendars, the year planner in the home office and on the family calendar in the kitchen. And also on my husband’s phone calendar for good measure.

        I think I sense a post bubbling away in there somewhere. Sadly, I have to go and cook tea now.

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      • Wow – so the secret is to just ignore all the notifications??! Now I feel silly for having thought otherwise! I already have 3 email addresses too…so I suppose I should just use the one I never check and don’t recall the password for…!

        I think you’ve summed up our “first world” problem, of dealing with receiving about 1 million emails daily, and having 5000 different online accounts and passwords, and about 50 different “real” and online calendars, all of which contain only a portion of our 6000 appointments.

        I feel quite exhausted after just writing that! I think I’ll lie down.

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  8. Have to admit I discovered you through freshly pressed. Although from the description of your (imaginary) mother it sounds like we may be siblings… So it’s only to be expected that I should be jealous of your freshly pressed status, right? Feel liked should be muttering something along the lines of “level 2 doesn’t sound so great. I mean what writer needs caffeine?”

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    • Hmmm…perhaps we are siblings?! I checked your blog and I see that you are also in Melbourne – from this information it seems almost certain that we are related! I always felt jealous of other blogs that were Freshly Pressed – and that was before anyone revealed the details about the copious amounts of coffee and the plush bathrooms involved – so I don’t blame you for your jealousy, but I can tell you with certainty, that if it can happen to me it can happen to anyone (who can string a few sentences together in a coherent way on a good day), so just keep going! Thanks for reading!

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  9. HAHaaa!! I LOVE this post! I am on pre-level one with the blogging…still trying to figure out how to not suck at this. Every now and then, I find myself feeling a little discouraged about the blogging. I feel like maybe I just really suck at this, and should stop trying to force and/or bribe my friends and family members to read it. But, reading about your “imaginary readers” not only made me laugh, it made me feel encouraged…even if I do suck, I’ve now got “imaginary” followers who think I don’t. Thanks for sharing this! 🙂

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    • Oh you should always be aware of your imaginary readers! You can picture individuals or a whole, hazily-defined group of people – either way, it’s them (or is it they?) that you should write for if you are still finding your feet with your style/content/voice. I never did this consciously, mind you, but I used to enjoy mentioning my “imaginary readers” in posts, and maybe it’s just my sense of humour, but it did actually have the effect of helping me to feel better about the fact that my writing would probably not be seen by any real human eyes.

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