Blabberblog

Do you wake at night in a cold sweat, wondering what on earth your next post will be about?

Do you suffer from the anxiety that donks all creative content producers on the head at some time or other – the worry that you can’t come up with new material?

Do you ever suspect that you have reached that dreaded stage in your creativity that pop band Regurgitator wrote a song about, ie, where your old stuff was so much better than your new stuff?

Are there strands of your hair everywhere around the house?

Well, new Blabberblog will solve all your problems. (except maybe the hair.) Just purchase one bottle of our easy-to-swallow capsules. Take 2 capsules before bed, swallow with water and rub the rest of them all over the soles of your feet. Off you go to dreamland, and when you wake in the morning, why, not only will your tongue taste like blueberries, and your feet look slightly furry* but your blog will have written itself!

Blabberblog - available in a range of sizes and colors so that you can match it to your lounge room decor.

Blabberblog – available in a range of sizes and colors so that you can match it to your lounge room decor.

 

Pic: Wikimedia Commons

When you start using Blabberblog, there will be no need for you to do any of the hard work required to keep your blog filled with interesting, entertaining content ever again!

Think??? No need. Form an idea into a coherent paragraph?? Meh – that stuff is for suckers. Who needs to – um….strawberries?…..sorry, I lost my train of thought.

Simply use Blabberblog at night, and in the morning your blog will be populated with a new post, apparently written by you. Posts are 100% guaranteed to be witty, erudite** and even at times downright delicious. If not satisfied, call the customer service number on the pack and we will refund you money in full.

Clinical trials using Blabberblog, delivered results that surpassed our expectations. The trial group, using Blabberblog, had new posts on their blogs every morning. 100% of these posts were well informed, articulate and entertaining, covering exciting topics ranging from the mating habits of deadly tropical fish to the latest developments in relationship counselling for cannibals.

The group taking a placebo averaged a new post only every week or so, and their posts were lacklustre and definitely of an inferior quality. Comments from our reviewers included the following: Humour felt forced, topics were poorly researched, and there was a severe lack of editing: sentences sometimes trailed off and grammar and punctuation were at times almost (non,?

Topics were generally mundane, ranging from a post about boiled eggs, to instructions on how to use a yoga mat. I mean, really!

In short, you can count on Blabberblog to:

Increase the amount of exciting content on your blog

Reduce dull, lifeless posts

Promote hair regrowth

Suitable for all operating systems***

All natural formulation****

Available in convenient capsule form

Comes in a range of colors and sizes to coordinate with all interior decoration options

Designed in Australia and manufactured somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere*****

Blabberblog – available now at all good newsagencies, or where you see this sign.

399px-SIGN

Pic: Wikimedia Commons

*Side effects can also include headaches, nausea, and gangrenous feet that may require amputation.

**I had to look up the meaning of erudite.

***Except operating systems with a malfunctioning heart, liver or white blood cell count.

****Natural ingredients were the inspiration for the synthetic chemicals that make up the final product.

*****Somewhere in the Northern Hemisphere known as “offshore”. At “Offshore”, the wages and conditions are equal to or less than slave labour and therefore they have a burgeoning manufacturing industry, unlike Australia, where least 3 major manufacturing industries have announced their closure in the past month, because our strong dollar, decent wages & conditions and current government’s ideology mean that the poor widdle shareholders of those companies may not make a billion dollars profit unless those businesses are moved “offshore”. 

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8 Comments

  1. This looks like just the thing! I’m a little worried by all the small print however 🙂

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    Reply
    • Congratulations on reading the small print. Many people don’t bother. It’s the reason behind a rise in the number of footless bloggers. 😉

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      Reply
  2. Very soon, we could have an association of Blabberblog Users’ Anonymous.

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    Reply
    • Disclaimer: The manufacturers of Blabberblog take no responsibility for any addictions arising from use of the product.

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      Reply
      • Good food for thought. We need to draw up a comprehensive Service Agreement which will state the terms and conditions of usage which shall apply to the aspiring wannabe-author souls who sign up. Updates and newer versions shall surely be charged extra.

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      • I think this calls for an agreement of no less than 45 pages, written in 8 point font. Of course Blabberblog is available over the counter at stores but the agreement will be downloadable and until it is signed and returned, the “blabber” part of Blabberblog will fail to activate, leaving the author with only a blog. Which they had to begin with.

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      • One would surely approve of a fruity scheme of this nature.

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  3. I wish I knew about this before I started my blog. It sounds way too easy 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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