Dream baby

Sure, I recall my dreams most mornings, as they are usually quite vivid, and not infrequently amusing, but I usually refrain from sharing them here.  I’m really on a roll this week, though, as I’ve already had two dreams that have made me laugh when I recalled them, and it’s only Tuesday! So I thought I’d share, as I know if there’s anything we all need to hear more of, it’s other people’s dreams.

Excellent. With that in mind, here they are.

The first is short and sharp. In this dream, a few nights ago, the actor Alan Rickman, in character as a kind of evil mixture of the Sheriff of Nottingham and Snape,  but in modern-day (or “Muggle”) garb, rudely confiscated my phone, (I can not recall why) but then with a sneer, from the seat of the sports car he was suddenly driving, tossed it back to me, deliberately missing me by a mile so that it landed on the road in front of me, where he promptly (and deliberately) drove over it!

alan-rickman- mobile phone

Alan Rickman, not a fan of mobile phones. (in my dream).

I believe the message in this dream is clear: the universe is telling me it’s time to upgrade my iPhone 5 because I’m constantly running out of storage, no matter how many photos I delete off my phone. I am not the ideal Apple customer because I refuse to upgrade a phone that is working perfectly, except that I can’t download any new apps because of lack of storage space. Is it possible that Apple have devised technology that somehow infiltrates the dreams of anyone with an Apple device, planting subliminal messages about upgrading their products? It doesn’t seem too implausible to me at this stage.

In the second dream, which was on the weekend just gone by, I sneaked into our neighbour’s house to see if their fence was fixed.

I should explain that in real life, we recently had to get the fence between our property and this neighbour’s property fixed, and I did all the helpful stuff like get the quotes and book the tradies, and pay them for the work, and then afterwards the neighbour complained that their side was left with some issues they would have to follow up with the tradies. I was a bit stressed about this for a day or so, as he was hinting that he wouldn’t cover his half of the cost because of these “issues.” But in a happy ending – for us at least – he did pay his half after all, so there was really nothing left to be stressed about, although it was left a bit unresolved, as I don’t know if he got the issues fixed or not, but it’s out of my hands now – there’s nothing I can do about it. He should have opted to be there on the day the work was being done, if he wanted to closely project manage his side of the fence, I guess. So I’m happy to consider the matter closed.

Anyway, this dream occurred a few nights after the matter was “closed.” In the dream, as I said, I sneaked into his house to check that the fence was fixed properly. The way to check that the fence was fixed properly, apparently, was to tip a can of tuna down his kitchen sink. Clearly this was standard procedure and common knowledge, because I came armed with a can of tuna for this purpose. When I got to his sink, however, I could see he had already performed the tuna-test, because the plug hole of his sink was clogged up with still-warm, cooked tuna. Cooked tuna took things to a whole other level and indicated that my neighbour had gone to a lot of effort to ensure a highly accurate reading on the status of the fence (of course, everyone knows that when it comes to assessing the success of a fence repair job, cooking the tuna before you tip it down the sink will guarantee a more accurate result every time) so there was nothing to be gained from me attempting an inferior reading with my tin of tuna (in oil, mind you, not that stuff in brine!)

So I turned away and prepared to leave, but (of course, I’m sure you could see this coming) just then the neighbour walked in! Or perhaps rattled the door handle, indicating that his entry to the room would be imminent within a micro-second. Some dream-like sequence of events occurred anyway, that led to me hiding on a strange little inexplicable platform, (perhaps it was a broom cupboard built on a mezzanine level?) that suddenly appeared – or suddenly became apparent, as things do in dreams – and seemed like as good a hiding place as any. Apparently I got onto this little balcony with ease, even though it was at head height in the room.

So the neighbour was stepping through the door, and I was trying to make myself invisible, on a small mezzanine level in his kitchen, optimistically hoping not to be seen the way a baby does when they put their hands in front of their face and think you can’t see them. As it turns out, since it was almost opposite the door, at his eye-level, and was totally open, this ‘platform’ really was NOT as good a hiding place as any. My neighbour probably had to go to a great deal of trouble to pretend NOT to see me the second he walked in the door, but eventually he gave in and indicated gruffly that he could see me crouching there in his split-level, open-plan broom cupboard, clutching my can of tuna, and enquired as to what on earth I was doing there.

It feels as if the dream faded out here (or perhaps my alarm went off at that moment), as I can’t recall what happened, but I don’t think it ended badly. My feeling is that, in this parallel universe, it was acceptable that I’d bring my own tuna over and sneak into his house with the intention of checking that his fence was fixed properly, so I don’t think we left on bad terms.

Now I must say, in regards to the meanings of dreams, I’m a little flummoxed at this one. I do think that the delightful mish-mash of weird things in our dreams is our brain trying to put some ideas together. That’s because I once read, of dreams, that our subconscious works to try and solve problems that are bothering us, and dreams are those attempts to solve those problems, but as the dream can’t speak directly to us, it uses the tools at its disposal: imagery and a narrative, to creatively present a ‘solution’ that comes to us like a clue in a cryptic crossword. That’s bad news for me, unfortunately, as I have never yet managed to understand a single clue in a cryptic crossword.

Nevertheless, I find that idea about the subconscious and its processes fairly believable. So occasionally, when it feels as if a dream is so, well, kind of mundane but weird at the same time, I try to think of a phrase that summarises the dream. It didn’t take long with this one – when I thought about the dream the next day, pondering what it could possibly mean, the phrase that instantly came to my mind was “tuna down the drain.”

So if any readers are good at cryptic crosswords, maybe they are able to make some sense out of that phrase, and let me know their interpretation.

Otherwise my take on it is…..the universe telling me that I should get more Omega 3 oils into my diet??

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  1. Nothing to interpret – tuna down the drain is a tried and tested method for ‘fence-checking’. Although the idea cooking a tuna steak of giving a better reading than a simple tin is a mistake many people make – there’s no discernible difference at all. And quite correct to use tuna in oil – the brine can really throw the readings…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you James. I am well versed in the arguments made by the tuna-in-brine camp, and I can’t say I’ve ever found them convincing. However, I was not up with the latest literature on the topic & had been labouring under the delusion that cooked tuna gave superior results on a fence repair test, a theory which I realise now has just recently been debunked by some ground-breaking research in Norway. Thank you for putting me straight, and for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s a pleasure. Don’t get me wrong the cooked tuna will do a job for you, it’s just a lot of money to spend when a tin will do pretty much the same job. There’s some interesting research going on with mackerel at the moment but if it’s anything like the recent sardine fiasco I won’t be getting too excited…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, the sardine fiasco! Heavens! I still wake up in the night sometimes thinking about that debacle. What a waste of taxpayer-funded research dollars it was. I’m glad they finally dropped that line of enquiry alright.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. An entertaining read.

    I wonder whether there is a male-female dichotomy here because, while Tigger often recounts in detail the spectacular dreams she has experienced, I rarely remember mine at all beyond a few vague impressions. If I awake in the midst of a dream, I will experience the phenomenon that the details fade away from memory even as I reach for them. Perhaps it is my unconscious saying “OK, you didn’t get it. Leave it and we’ll try again another time…”

    Dreams, though, have a mysterious power. I once dreamed of meeting a friend and colleague who by the time of the dream had died. The feelings left by the dream were so strong that they lasted several days and made me feel as though they were in some mysterious way part of our friendship. The Old Testament is full of incidences of God or angels talking to people and what are these if not dreams so striking that they convinced the dreamers of their reality?

    I too am an iPhone owner. (Actually, it sometimes feels as though the iPhone – and Apple through its agency – owns me…) Sales of mobile phones reached saturatiion years ago and manufacturers can stay in business only by persuading loyal customers to upgrade every year. Watching how this is done by Apple – keeping itself newsworthy and cultivating and maintaining customer brand loyalty – is very entertaining. It does not surprise me that iPhone users would regularly dream about their phones, though I am uncertain as to whether Apple is actually capable of projecting such dreams. This is possibly a feature planned for the iPhone 8… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes my (male) partner thinks it’s extremely novel if he remembers a dream. Maybe there is a gender dichotomy. On the topic of Apple, they also “encourage” you to upgrade by making certain things obsolete, eg the old usb connection port. My partner is even more stubborn than me in refusing to upgrade for the sake of it – he’s still using an iPhone 4!! But possibly can’t run updates on it anymore due to lack of storage. He’ll have to give up the fight soon, I suspect.


      • Apple sells you a box and encourages you to fill it until it is too small and you need a bigger box. It’s an excellent strategy for them though a little frustrating for us who each time think we have bought the ultimate box which will now last us for some years.

        We too were on iPhone 4S until we upgraded to iPhone 6 about 18 months ago, mistakenly believing this would future-proof us for a few years. We were wrong, of course, and have not updated to iOS 10 because of the problems with it suffered by other iPhone Sixers. All being well, though, the hackers will be attacking iOS 10 now and we will not face any security risks by remaining with iOS 9.

        I believe in sticking with the technoogy that meets your needs and not in upgrading just because an upgrade is available. (Unless, of course, upgrading is where you get your fun.)

        Tigger uses her iPhone as a camera and therefore faces memory issues too, frequently using her Leef Bridge to remove and store photos (and borrowing my iPhone in between!). She may eventually be tempted to upgrade to a larger memory model but I have no plans to upgrade in the foreseeable future. For now, the Meets-My-Needs Rule applies.

        Liked by 1 person

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