I found some questions to the answers

It’s time to answer a few questions.

There were questions posed a few weeks ago by 2 bloggers who nominated me for a Liebster award, and I have not as yet answered them, although I did manage to write a whole post loosely inspired by being nominated!

Anyway, I’m sure no-one is stewing over my answers, but I like to finish what I’ve started. (Actually that’s a cliche that’s not necessarily true, there are some things I don’t mind leaving unfinished, such as housework, or that interior design course I began in 1991.)

So let’s settle back for question time. I will probably only get through one batch of questions today, so I’ll do the questions that came with the first nomination. These were posted by Yeahthtsme.

  1. What is your biggest dream in life?

Ah, dreams. (takes sip of low-calorie soda and assumes a wistful grin) I guess by “dream” we understand that this answer can be something that will never happen. In ascending order of how unlikely they are to ever happen: I’d love to leave my job in arts administration and do a job with a much larger emphasis on writing skills, or even just basically write, for a living. I’d also like to co-host a radio show. Those two careers would go quite nicely together, as I could spend time writing my own material. If only I’d thought of this 20 years ago.

2. Name one expensive thing that you bought and now regret buying.

Well I’m a bit annoyed about the Breville blender that blew up after about 4 months of use. It was supposed to have cost about $350 although I used a voucher to cover half of that. I swapped it over (still under warranty), and now the brand new replacement model seems to emit a burnt smell when it’s used. I’m not really losing sleep over it since it’s still under warranty, but it’s disappointing and tedious to have to keep taking them back. I don’t really buy expensive things, so that’s about the best I can do for this question.

3. If you were a waiter and a customer was being rude, would you spit in their food?

Oh damn it, I always have such a conscientious and professional work ethic, that I probably wouldn’t! But if I was a waiter, I’d be the clumsiest waiter that had ever existed so there would be a high chance that the rude pratt would end up wearing their soup!

angry-waiter

4. Who do you look up to most in life?

As I am only about 158cm tall, I look up to most people, including my 13 year old daughter.  Probably the only people I don’t look up to are my mother, and my petite friend Claire. Since she left, I now have the dubious honor of being the shortest person at my place of work.

5. If you could be invisible, where would you go and what would you do?

I’d head into this store where I’d help myself to multiple new pairs of shoes!! In real life, I’ve never bought a pair of shoes there, because I just simply can’t justify spending over $200 on an item of clothing. (see above re. expensive items.) I just admire them longingly.

Mmmmm....boots........

Mmmmm….boots……..

6. Which is a favourite post of your’s and why?(links are welcome)

There was a golden age on this blog, and it was late 2010, to mid 2011. Back when no-one (alright, perhaps one real live person!) was reading it. All my favourite posts are from back then. I tend to think, or hope, that it’s because of some life events that happened since then, namely, the death of a close friend who enjoyed my sense of humour and regularly read my blog, and then, shortly after that, the death of my younger brother who wouldn’t even know what a blog was, but whose absence left an even bigger chasm in my life. One such favourite is this one about the history of the universe.

Why? Well, I suppose because it draws on historical fact but is written in a humorous style that was hopefully entertaining to read. Also, it stayed focussed on the central motivation to write it, which was to try and illustrate one mind-blowing fact that epitomises how amazing the universe is. That was the star that exploded at the beginning of my Very Brief History, whose light travelled through the billions of years of pre-history, and history, that I covered (in less than 1000 words – beat that, Stephen Hawking!), until it was finally close enough to be seen from earth, about 5 years ago. Once again – Wow.

7. What’s your favourite song?Why?

Today it is Bloodbuzz Ohio, by The National. Why? Um….the drums at the beginning, the way the song takes off and runs with it, the pause 3/4 of the way through when you know that after a beat or two, the drums are going to kick in again – it’s a very satisfactory whole package. Highly recommended.

8. If your life was turned into a movie, what actor would play you?

I could only give the project my approval if Jodie Foster agreed to do it,  and of course, regular readers would know that her contract needs to include a clause stating that to be authentic, she must lumber like a rhino. (see this post)

9. Who do you think is the most annoying person?

There is no doubt that the title of Most Annoying Person (I felt that it deserved some Upper Case Treatment) is reserved for a colleague* at my work. This person arrives somewhere between 10.30 and midday most days (I believe her negotiated start time is meant to be 10am) but her timesheet will usually show after the fact, that she was in at 9.30am. So, although she is more often than not, only in the office for around 5 hours on any given day, she manages to continually clock up “TIL” (time in lieu) and use this fictional TIL to take real days off work! Grrrr!

10. Your favourite movie, book?

Favourite movie – like everyone, I have sooo many – but the top of the list is probably a tie between What’s Eating Gilbert Grape and Memento.

Favourite book – until recently it was The True History of the Kelly Gang by Peter Carey. I loved the way he wrote it in the voice of Ned Kelly. It’s told in a stream of memories from someone with little education, who knows that he’s doomed, and the way the story rushes through whole paragraphs unconstrained by punctuation captures the sense of his life rushing towards it’s infamous end. After reading it, I became a Ned Kelly nerd for a while. I was obsessed with how fascinating the characters and the story were, and had to read every book about the Kelly gang that I could get my hands on. (I’ve recovered – I now couldn’t even tell you what year he died or where he lived.) But that was recently usurped by a new contender for the crown,  Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. I wrote about that here.

Before

Before: looks like many other hipsters around Melbourne

  • 11. What does your blog mean to you?

It’s the place where I write whatever takes my fancy. I like writing because it enables me to express myself, and takes some skill required to do it well. Whether or not I’m doing it well, I don’t know, but I enjoy crafting a sentence. Even back when I was writing essays in English literature at school, I realised that writing was a reflective activity, that can lead to discoveries about myself and the world around me. I’m forced to think about why a particular post is my favourite, for example, or who I look up to the most, in order to express that in a piece of writing. I definitely have a curiosity about the world and the need to reflect about myself and what it all means, so I guess it’s my creative outlet for doing that.

*

*Although I used the word “colleague” I really mean “manager”.

After

After: looks like an early prototype for Darth Vader.

PS: Update on Liebster Award To Do list:

I’ve still got 11 more questions to answer, then I have to devise questions myself, and nominate the people to answer them. As before, stay tuned…..I will get there, I hope!  Now….back to work/cooking dinner/all those other things that get in the way of writing blogs!

PS again – for anyone playing at home, who likes to work out what song I’ve referenced in the post title (many, but not all, posts are named with titles or lines from songs) this post is a line from a song by INXS, Here Comes, from the Shabooh Shoobah album.

Name This Post

I’ve always been cautious about participating in group activities, but it seems I was tagged by Goldfish to play a blogging game. The rules of the game are:

1. Post these rules.
2. Post a photo of yourself and eleven random facts about you.
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.
4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them.

5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged.

(Why did rule number 5 decide to distance itself from the other rules with a gap, and distinguish itself with a lack of italics? I don’t know – apparently it has a mind of it’s own. Watch out for that rule, it’s a renegade.)

OK, so – my first thought on this blogging game is – where did 11 come from? Why 11? Wouldn’t 3 be quite enough work for anyone?

My second thought is – well this kind of does half the work for me in writing a blog post, all I have to do is fill the gaps. Sort of.

So far I’ve chosen not to respond when I’ve been nominated for any blogging awards, as I have such a tragic combination of low self-esteem and a high sense of personal privacy that I feel uncomfortable trumpeting about being nominated for an award, uncomfortable about hurting anyone’s feelings by NOT nominating them, and also don’t want to put other people who don’t even know me, in the same position!  I also worry that some people I could choose to tag, blog in a particular style or only about a particular topic, and therefore may not want to engage in answering a quiz on their blog. Hmmm, yes, years of therapy might help, it’s true.

Well, anyway, I thought I’d give this one a go. Since it’s not an award but a game, nominating other people doesn’t really mean I’m singling anyone out, leaving anyone out, or embarrassing anyone. Well that’s what my uptight brain thought before I decided to give it a go, anyway.

So here we go:

Rule 1 – done. (see above if you’re not keeping up.)

Rule 2 – a photo and 11 things about me.

A Jodie Foster Rhino

Is this Jodie Foster relaxing on a safari?

So there’s a photo that’s an approximation of me. (Explanation here.)

1. Special skill: deciphering bad hand writing.

2. Special lack of skill: can not make a custard, white sauce, or anything that needs to thicken in a saucepan while you stir it. I have followed recipes to the letter, only to end up with a gluggy, lumpy mess resembling vomit. Therefore, do not ask me, sir, to make your custard, for I will not do it!

3. Can not even write a list of 11 things about myself without turning each bullet point into a ridiculously long and rambling story.

4. Has Irish heritage (could this be the reason for no. 3?)

5. Once painted the interior of a groovy clothing store in Melbourne’s CBD, with some artist friends. This was when I was an artist. The paint job is still there, unlike my career as an artist.

7. Once went skiing. In the Rocky mountains. Where else, daaahling? I actually didn’t want to, (the idea of participating in sport and clomping around in a figure hugging bodysuit put me right off) but I ended up enjoying it.

8. I’ve never skied (is that correct past tense of ski?) again. Too many logistics, too much “gear” required, and too much cost involved. But it was fun that one time!

9. Will probably review and rewrite these 11 points about 11 times before I’m satisfied with them. Or maybe I’ll just publish them full of errors and all because I’m delirious with lack of sleep. In short, I have no idea what I’ll do.

10. I went to bed at 4.30am this morning and was awoken at 8.45am.

11. That is because I spent 10 hours last night in the Emergency Ward with my daughter, to establish that her stomach pain was “almost definitely not appendicitis, although we could be wrong.”

Ok, moving on to the next rule:

3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.

Would you rather be a dog or a cat?

Hmmm, my priority right now would be, who sleeps more, because I’d like some of that. Maybe….a cat.

What’s your favorite song? Either of the moment or all time.

I will nominate a favourite song of the moment. That would be Six Bells Chime, by Crime and the City Solution, after seeing them play it live on Sunday!

If you were sentenced to death, what would be your last meal?

Either Nigella Lawson’s Trifle with berries and a gorgeous mascapone custard that doesn’t require any cooking (see above re cooking custard), or a really amazing cream brulee. Hell, it’s my last meal, maybe I’ll have both. 2 serves of each, thanks, skip the mains. If I’m forced to have mains, please involve scallops.

What’s your favorite holiday?

The holiday that will forever live in my memory is the week we spent down in Wilson’s Promintory, in a gorgeous little cottage, with two of my brothers,in 2009. The location was  lovely, there were eucalyptus trees and bushes and herbs growing all around the house, and beaches about a 20 minute drive away. Of course the reason it will always remain special in my memory is that it is the only holiday I can recall spending with my brother John, (there may have been others when I was a kid that I blocked from my memory) and the most concentrated period of contact I ever had with him, I guess. But it was also just a really lovely holiday – I think I’d look back fondly on it even if he hadn’t died 18 months or so later.

If you could travel to any country for free where would you go?

I’d probably go to the USA and visit San Fransisco and New York.  I’ve been to both these cities already, but I loved them both and would love to visit them again, so if the trip was free, why not?

What’s your phobia?

Responding to blog quizzes. No, I don’t really have a phobia but I inherited from my mum an amazing ability to analyse the worst that might happen in any new situation. At a lovely holiday house in the middle of gum trees and bushes? (see above) Naturally I contemplate that if a bushfire occurred, as visitors with no idea of a fire plan, we’d be sitting ducks. At a band gig with about 4000 other people inside on a 36 degree day? Naturally I contemplate that if there is an emergency and everyone runs for the door I could get trampled to death.

The difference between myself and my mother is that I don’t obsess over it to the point of being able to focus on nothing else and become highly anxious until  the cause of the anxiety is removed – but these thoughts do briefly go through my mind.

If there were no consequences, what would you do that’s illegal?

Burn dvds. No seriously, if there weren’t consequences, I’d probably drink more when I’m driving. So that wouldn’t be a good thing.

Do you play an instrument? Or; If you could play an instrument, what would it be?

I learned the piano for about 4 years but gave it up because I was sick of learning the excerpts of classical pieces required for passing exams, and wanted to learn “popular” songs. I’m sorry I never learned how to play that guitar I bought about 20 years ago, but maybe one day when I’ve got time I’ll have lessons!

What’s the nicest thing that anyone has given you?

Something they made themselves, especially for me.

Are you crafty? I don’t mean deceitful, but making things by hand.

People always think I will be crafty because I did a degree in Fine Art and used to paint, but actually I’m terrible with anything 3 dimensional. I can barely manage to wrap a present and make it look presentable. When it comes to making art, I only like the 2 dimensional world. A card is about as 3 dimensional as I get, and I don’t make those very often.

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Option 3. What, there isn’t an option 3? Well, when it comes to sleep I’m probably closer to the sloth. I like as much sleep as possible, at both ends of the day. Unless I’m out having a great time, I am like a robot that switches into “yawn and go to bed” mode at 10.30pm. I never voluntarily arise before 7.30am, but if I’m forced to on pain of death, I’ll feel tired all day, regardless of what time I went to bed. Maybe I use up a lot of energy dreaming.

4. Create 11 new questions and tag new people to answer them.

1. How many goats does it take to fill a bath on Tuesdays, if the train from Central Station is travelling at 8 miles per hour, and all the stations are under water due to floods?

2.  If a dozen cats sit in a tree singing “Moon River”, how many cats will be left when the cheese souffle in the oven is cooked?

3. Do cows ever get bored with standing around in paddocks chewing grass? And if given the chance, would they rather be ice-skating?

4. If you had an imaginary friend, what was his/her/its name, and what did you guys get up to together? (If you didn’t, you get off one question. Pass Go, collect $200.)

5. Quote a line from a Dr Suess book and tell us what it means to you. If you have to use Google to find a line from Dr Suess, go straight to Jail and do not collect $200.

6. What other purpose can a catflap be used for, since clearly cats have no intention of using them?

7. What do you think Shakespeare meant by the line “Macbeth does murder sleep” (Answers will not necessarily be disadvantaged by not making reference to the play Macbeth.)

8. Does anyone really understand quadratic equations, or do maths teachers just grow bushy beards and wear worn out cords so that everyone thinks they do?

Image

Yeah, sure.

9. Who wins the worst moustache competition – Nietzsche or Twain?

Image

A moustache, with Nietszche attached to it.

10. Who came first, the chicken, the egg, or the cockroach? Bonus points for naming the date, time, place and name of the first arrival. (Basis in truth is not a criteria for this answer)

11. If a blogger sends 11 silly questions into cyberspace, does anyone hear them land? If so, what sound do they make – a splash, a squelch, or that noise that the office chair makes in staff meetings that sounds as though you farted?

Phew! Ok, final rule:

Select new people to answer those questions and tag them, then go to their blog to let them know you’ve tagged them.

Now this may be controversial, but I’m lazy, and it’s now after 10.30pm Thursday night and I’ve had 4 hours sleep since Wednesday morning and intended to go to bed much earlier for that reason, I’m just going to tag one blogger. I may add others later, but I’ve chosen this blogger because she seems to write about lots of different topics, with a humorous approach, so I think she may be happy to do this quiz/game and might even be willing to take on my ridiculous questions (I probably wouldn’t!). That is:

Lucky Wreck

That’s it!

Standing on the outside looking in

I’ve been motivated tonight to write a short play, inspired by a scene that is repeated hourly daily at my house. Here is the first draft:

Scene: A kitchen, about 6pm. A woman is chopping vegetables, singing along to music, and stops to pour a glass of wine.

Cat: (from outside, through the screen door): Meow!

Woman: (overly friendly tone) Why, hello there! Are you after something? Huh?….What’s that you say? Oh, you want to come inside? (change of tone) Well, dingbat, why don’t you just come through THE CAT FLAP, the way you would if you were….A CAT?

(chuckles at own wit and finishes pouring glass of wine, resumes chopping)

Cat: (stretches herself into twice her usual length, claws digging into screen door) (plaintively:) Meow? 

Woman: (dripping with sarcasm) Pardon? What’s that…oh, I see. The cat flap is not good enough for you. You will only come in through human-type doors, is that it? You’d rather that I stop what I’m doing, and come over and open the door, because you are too special to come in through a cat flap, is that right, Your Majesty? (shakes head in disbelief and continues scrolling through Twitter feed on phone) 

Cat: Blinks. Looks up through the door with big eyes.

When I'm outside, inside looks so tempting!

When I’m outside, inside looks so tempting!

Woman: (irritated) COME IN THROUGH THE CAT FLAP, DOPEY!! (rolls eyes in exasperation and resumes curling eyelashes at the kitchen sink) 

Cat: (throws her body weight against screen door, causing it to slam with a thud against the door frame.) MEEEEOOOW!!!

Woman: (angrily) Oh, for crying out loud. (Walks over to cat flap, kneels in a crawling position on the slate floor and pushes cat flap open from the inside. Waggles cat flap in and out while loudly addressing the cat, who is still outside, through the cat flap) LOOK! Here’s your CAT FLAP! WOW!!! Look at that! You can come in and out all by yourself!! How fantastic! How lucky you are! You don’t need me to open the f*%$ing door for you….YOU INFURIATING CREATURE!

(Stands up, dusts herself off and walks back to the kitchen bench. Sits down and picks up a well-read copy of 50 Shades of Grey, resumes reading.) 

Cat: (repeatedly pushes against screen door with claws, making the door repeatedly thud loudly against its frame) MEEEOOOW!!! 

Woman: (throws book down, glowering) Oh,  f#@k this! Come in then!  (Walks over and opens door) Here we go, I’ll open the door for you, so you can come in like a human does. Happy?

(lets the door slam, and strides back to the kichen bench, goes back to scrapbooking pictures of fluffy cats onto used tissue boxes) 

Cat skedaddles in through the door as it’s opened, abruptly halts, sits, and proceeds to manically clean her paws as if every preceding moment in her  life to that point will be meaningless unless she can get the dirt out of her paws in the next 5 seconds. Continues licking paws in this manner for 4.5 seconds. Abruptly finishes cleaning paws. Walks back to the screen door. Sits staring out of screen door at the yard outside.

Cat (at screen door) (plaintively): MEEEOW!  

Woman: (threateningly) Don’t even start, sister.

(resumes icing a spongecake)

Cat: Blinks. Turns and looks at woman with big eyes.

Cat: (digging claws into screen door) Meow?

The end.

When I'm inside, outside looks so tempting!

When I’m inside, outside looks so tempting!

 

*Note on stage directions:  I got a bit bored with the lack of action in the story so I added in a variety of stage directions, to make the woman seem like a very busy person with a lot of important stuff to do. Although the woman is based on myself, in real life I never make or eat sponge cakes, read overrated “erotic romance” novels, scrapbook pictures of anything, or curl anyone’s eyelashes, but I do spend an inordinate amount of time letting a cat in and out a screen door that is situated about 30cm away from a fully functioning cat flap.

The Beastie Boys Bandit and other rock related criminals

Police in Portland, Oregon, are apparently flummoxed by a bandit they’ve dubbed “The Beastie Boy Bandit” – because the dude keeps on turning up at banks wearing bad wigs, polyester suits and fake moustaches, looking for all the world like he’s paying homage to the Beastie Boys in their well known clip for Sabotage.

(Warning: there is an ad before the clip, which takes about 5 full seconds to get through. If you can wait that long, Sabotage is after that.) If you haven’t seen this before, check out the (deliberately bad) costumes! There are bad wigs! There are terrible fake moustaches!

I just wonder  whether the Beastie Boy Bandit (or “BBB”, as I like to call him),  is deliberately dressing like this in an ironic and witty homage to the Beastie Boys and their clip, which in turn pays homage to the cop shows of the 70s with its bad hair styles and suits, freeze framed action, and cops chasing bad guys – or whether he just has a really bad dress sense. Either way, since police have so far not tracked him down, it seems his disguise is successfully fulfilling the role he intended for it, ie, to make him untraceable. He’s obviously not as dumb as he is prepared to look!!

I also wondered – what would happen if other criminals decided to pay tribute to their musical heroes by dressing up as them when they are out committing crimes? Ideally, they would commit crimes that relate to their heroes’ songs, or at the very least, crimes that start with the same letter of the alphabet as their hero’s name, in order to facilitate that catchy -police-nickname touch. This could go something like this:

The “Bruce (the Boss) Bag Snatcher.” This guy has a mullet, and wears tight fitting denim jeans and a flannelette shirt, unbuttoned to the waist.  To fit Bruce Springsteen’s songs, he should really be a car jacker or go on a shooting spree, but those things don’t start with B. He could be a – “Burglar” but hey, let’s face it, this is how most burglars (in Australia at least) are dressed already. It was more amusing to picture Bruce Springsteen, running up the street with a handbag. Song of choice:  “Baby, we were born to run…”

The “Nick Cave Necrophiliac”. This guy wears a large fake handle bar moustache and has had plastic surgery to make his facial expression into a permanently quizzical frown. Wears smart 2 piece suits and is seen hanging around funeral parlours, humming “Death is not the end”. Eww, ok, that’s a bit creepy. Even Nick Cave would probably be offended by that.

The “Justin Beiber Jay-walker.” Lame, I know, but the crime seemed to fit the age bracket. This criminal is 16 year old and wears a wig of immaculately coiffed hair and has a pack of giggling 12 year old girls following him everywhere he goes – thus causing risk of multiple injuries when he jay walks. This criminal’s signature song? – I’m thankful to say, I don’t know what Justin Beiber sings and don’t want to find out!

The “Flavor Flav Food Fighter”. Alright, so, there is “Forgery”, but what is the noun for someone who commits forgery? A forgery expert? The Flavor Flav Forgery Expert – it  just wasn’t catchy.  In an homage to his hero, this dude has had all his teeth replaced with gold and wears a large clock around his neck. He likes getting into food fights (but doesn’t like to bite down on anything too hard.) Signature song: “Party for your right to fight”.

The Axl Rose Arsonist – jeans so tight that fertility is definitely endangered, this time worn with a sleeveless t-shirt, a lot of tatts, long hair, and a very wide head band. Signature song: …actually it’s a signature move:  The Axl Rose Arsonist stays by the fires he lights, and starts a celebratory dance which, to the outside observer, would be described as writhing as though he was trying to slide right out of those jeans. Ewww, again!

 

* moustache count in this post: approximately 4.

The “Flavor Flav Food Fighter,” having a day off.

A Hazy Shade of Summer (or, Sunday morning in Melbourne)

The only difference is that our cat is black and white.

Time, time, time, see what’s become of me

When just last Sunday afternoon

I had possibilities –

Where did the week go, please?

I look around, it makes me frown

Cos the kitchen’s still a mess from dinner

*

Hear the music of Grinderman

Blast from my stereo, I chop oregano

And marinate lamb

Carry a wine in my hand…

I look around, it makes me frown

the sky is grey,  it feels as if it’s winter

*

Hang on to your hopes, my friend

It’s Melbourne 10am, might be hot by 2pm,

So simply pretend

Summer’s not at an end.

I look around, dishes piled high

They touch the sky, the dishwasher makes me cry

*

Aahh, the week flew by and little was achieved

Might as well be doing tapestry,

Writing terrible poetry,

Or just blogging to fill in time.

Funny how my memory slips

Looking over my manuscripts,

emails and silly rhymes

Drinking my vodka and lime

*

I look around, the internet’s down

And we need a cartridge for the printer

Look around, I’ve just found

There’s a piece of cake on the ground

Look around, it’s not profound

But this post is the best I could expound

* Apologies to Simon and Garfunkle.

** Just as I went to publish this post, the sun came out. I’ll probably get sunburnt this afternoon.

When cats do starjumps

Despite extensive research, scientists have yet to work out which way cats would do starjumps, if they did starjumps.

Really I should have called this “IF a cat could do starjumps” but I thought “When cats do starjumps” was funny because it reminds me of titles like “When Cops Go Bad” or “When Bakers Go Mad” (ok, I made that one up.)

Of course, cats DON’T do starjumps-  as far as I know. I’m judging by their general demeanour, as well as the fact that I’ve never noticed it happening. But thinking about it today I did wonder, just supposing cats did do starjumps…..how would they do them?  Would they get up on their back legs and kick out a front and back leg at each side, or would they remain on all fours and kick out a front and back pair of legs together?

Scientists that exist only in my imagination have been researching this for years now, but are unable to reach agreement. They are split into two camps, one believing that cats would go up on their back legs to execute star jumps and the other camp firmly adamant that all their tests prove that cats would remain in their usual position and kick out to the sides. Testing so far has included close observation of cats as they sleep, sit around purring, lick themselves clean, and play ever so cutely with a ball of string, as well as making them watch Jane Fonda’s aerobics dvds. Generally the cats showed no interest whatsoever in Fonda but greatly enjoyed the string. The cats are under observation 24/7, but they tend to sleep 23/7, so they are not too fussed by all the attention, as you can imagine.

Work frustration: a haiku

Message in a Vodka Bottle

Crazy workload is

completely unrealistic.

Give me a vodka.

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