Life, in sums

I'm a bit stuck, again. I'm wondering what the hell the point is, in writing anything here. Since my brother died suddenly, it feels as though it is pointless writing anything at all. It doesn't matter what I write, he will still be dead. Apparently. He will still be dead. For a while there, I...

In-between days

As I drove to work this morning, I wondered, how can the weather have become warm and sunny overnight? Surely it has been cold, rainy, and 14 degrees, for what feels like years - suddenly, or so it seems, today it is 27 degrees! Have I been in such a haze that I missed the...

Just 3 weeks ago

Today it's three weeks ago that my little brother was last alive. It's only 3 weeks. Sometimes it seems like I've known this for ever, this awful, heavy fact, that my brother has died.  It's a huge and awful shock all over again when I realise that only 3 Fridays ago, at this very time, he was probably...

Even the lino makes me think of you

If there is one thing I'm learning about grieving, it's that anything and everything can make you think of the person you loved, who has died. At the moment, anywhere I go, and just about anything that anyone says to me, has the potential to make me think of my brother. Example: my friend was...

And where do we go from here?

And where do we go from here? Which is the way that's clear? Rock On, David Essex. It's pretty hard to know how to continue writing a blog, after the death of my much-loved brother. It's hard to feel motivated to write, but then again, it's hard to be motivated to do most things at...

O brother, where art thou?

Sometimes it is hard, that's true....but other times it is unendurable. The last post I wrote on this blog was about a good friend who had just died, and how I'd never experienced the shock and grief of having someone close to me die before.  10 days after I wrote that post, my younger brother...